10 Delicious Zero or Low Alcohol Drinks
Oh alcohol, what did I ever do to you?
Ever since birthing children, which coincided with my mid-30s, you launched an uncalled for attack on my brain and body. Gone are the totally unaffected mornings after splitting a bottle of wine. Not only does my head ache after two glasses of cabernet, but I often spend much of the night awake, thoughts and heart racing, wondering where it all went wrong.
As it turns out, it’s actually my brain and body that hates alcohol. And there is science to back it up.
Stupid, stupid science.
I enjoy the ritual of drinking.
I love how a glass of wine feels in my hand, the fizz of champagne down the ol’ gullet while celebrating, cracking a cold, wet beer can fished out of a cooler packed with ice. Drinking with friends often leads to pee-in-your-pants laughing. Drinking with strangers may lead to feeling just a little less awkward.
However, while the in the moment partying is so fun, for me the after affects blow. It doesn’t take me much these days (truly, 2.5 drinks over five or six hours will do it) to hit disaster zone.
Recently, my husband and I celebrated our anniversary at a fancy-shamncy restaurant. I drank a gin and tonic, a glass of champagne, and a thimble-sized digestif (or some shit… I don’t even know what it was) over a three hour period. While a bit buzzed, I wasn’t dancing on the bar while swinging my bra over my head.
I fell asleep at 10:30pm, only to wake up an hour later with my heart pumping at 110bpm— about double what it normally is (I know because I wear a FitBit). My thoughts raced just as fast:
Did I say something stupid?
Did I make an ass of myself?
How many drinks did I have?
Regular me knows I acted within the boundaries of appropriate behavior. But my brain and my heart sure didn’t give a crap. I finally fell asleep six hours later, after watching two episodes of Bridgerton (I kinda don’t get the hype?) and three of the Great British Bake-off. My kids woke up 20 minutes after I fell asleep. I wasn’t hungover, just exhausted.
Of course, I spent the next day obsessively Googling what happened (again, as this was not the first time I’d experienced the booze-somnia). And I stumbled up an interesting factoid from Tempest.com:
There are a few reasons why alcohol makes anxiety worse: Alcohol decreases your serotonin levels. While alcohol can temporarily boost your serotonin levels and make you feel good while you drink, over the longer term, it decreases the level of serotonin in your brain, making you more susceptible to depression. Hangovers can trigger panic attacks. The physical responses to being hungover —dehydration, nausea, rapid heartbeat—are so similar to anxiety, that these symptoms alone can trigger anxiety attacks. Drinking impacts your sleep. Alcohol impacts the quality of your sleep, which also primes your body to be more anxious. We tend to be much more reactive and stressed-out after we’ve had a bad night of sleep.
So, I decided to take a break from alcohol for about a month. I didn’t completely cut it out, but the little booze I did drink was selected with intentional low ABV (alcohol by volume).
The other thing I did was read Holly Whitaker’s Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol. It’s a great read for anyone who has ever questioned their relationship with alcohol. Even if you haven’t, Whitaker’s eye-opening lens will leave you thinking differently about that nightly glass of wine. It’s like the opposite of beer goggles.
Anyhow, during my dry-ish month, I wasn’t just going to swap drinks with boring water, gross Diet Cokes or herbal tea (though trust me, I love an herbal tea). I really do like the ritual of drinking, but I don’t love the buzz, the insomnia or the hangover. I still want to drink grown-up tasting drinks, but without all the baggage. These are my favorites.
Delicious Non-Alcoholic Drinks
Athletic Brewing
My son is three years old, and somehow in those three non-pregnant years, NA beers got really good! Almost reason to get pregnant again (no thanks tho). And the creme de le creme is Athletic Brewing. Their IPA tastes like a real goddamned beer, and with just a trace amount of alcohol (less than .5 percent). Their beers also have fewer calories (between 50-90 per can) than regular beers, if you care about that kind of thing.
Athletic Brewing Hopped Water
But wait! There’s more! Athletic also makes some kickass hopped water. It’s essentially sparkling water that’s infused with hops. So it tastes beer-like in flavor (if you like a hoppy beer, which I do), but is completely alcohol-free, gluten-free and the most refreshing thing ever. This stuff hits the craft beer spot for me, without any fuzziness or bloat. I love the blood orange flavor, but why not try all four with their sampler pack.
Athletic Brewing is sold at select liquor stores, but they will send them directly to your house if you buy online. Order 2 or more 6-packs and shipping is free. No brainer.
Sparkling Botanicals
The moment you start looking at non-alcoholic drinks, you will find an ad for these well-branded drinks every damn place you’re online. After about a month of internet ad-inspired FOMO, I finally purchased one at our local co-op. First of all, it definitely tasted like I bought it at a co-op? Healthy, herbal and bubbly. Very dry, not sweet at all. I drank mine out of the can and it was fine, but love the idea of drinking this over ice in the evening. Not chuggable, in a good way. Lots of flavors to choose from .
Tastes like a health food store… but in a good way?
What even is this drink?
It’s another thing I found via online ads (after reading this, you’ll probably be getting all those ads, too. Sorry). This is Ghia, and I still barely understand what it is. Their website says:
Ghia is a non-alcoholic apéritif packed with only pure, natural extracts. Potent plants. Heady herbals. Blithe botanicals. Everything inside our bottle was picked because of its completely natural ability to soothe and to stimulate. Each glass promises to kick up the energy and calm down the mind.
LOL I am such a snob, but even that sounds pretentious as hell to me. But their tiny, adorable spritz cans are fabulous. Served chilled, over ice, I added a cute sprig of thyme from my garden and felt so European! If I wasn’t already privy to the fact that’s NA, I wouldn’t even have known.
They also sell Ghia aperitif in a large bottle— it’s basically in the Aperol family, but with zero booze. I didn’t like any of the drinks I made with it as much as I liked the Spritz.
Lagunitas Hoppy Refresher
Great taste, less filling.
It’s hop water again! I’ve tried many different kinds, and Lagunitas Hoppy Refresher is my favorite. It’s very floral (much like their beers), which I like. And I love that it’s in a bottle, which gives that real beer feel. Zero alcohol, gluten-free, and they even sell it at Target sometimes???
Hoplark HopTea
HopTea, tbh, isn’t my favorite, mostly because there’s caffeine in most flavors and I usually don’t want to drink that after 3pm. But I did enjoy this caffiene-free version while driving, which was a super weird sensation because it feels like you’re breaking the law, but you’re not. Which is perfect for a rule follower like me.
Curious Elixirs
I’m curious if anyone can read what’s written on these bottles.
Another online advertising troll that finally wore me down. And I am so glad they did! Curious Elixirs taste very cocktail-y without any booze. Open a bottle, pour over ice and boom! You are one fancy B! And PS 1 bottle = 2 drinks. I would love to tell you which flavor is my favorite, but unfortunately you need a magnifying glass to read anything on these labels. Get the variety pack and decide for yourself.
Low-Alcohol Drinks
Painted Donkey Ranch Water
Ranch water: Tastes better than it sounds.
Say “ranch water” at a party and watch everyone’s face pinch in disgust. Is it water direct from a trough? Is it water infused with Hidden Valley Ranch? Praise Jesus, it’s neither. This is sparkling water spike with tequila, with a tame 4.2% ABV per can. Painted Donkey’s spicy version is my fave— it’s got a legit chili effervescence that might make you sneeze when you open it. I drink it on ice, in a tumbler glass with a generous squeeze of lime. One can makes two of those drinks, so by my “Molly Math,” one can is really like two 2.1% ABV drinks.
Session IPAs
I adore craft beer, but I can’t even finish one before I’m slurring my words and telling everyone how much I love them. Enter the session beer. Session basically means a low alcohol (under 5% ABV ), super refreshing brewski. So next time you’re looking at a beer list and feeling like a 10% ABV TripleBochWhiskeyDunkle might actually kill you, look to see if there are any session beers. I love Surly Xtra Citra, Dogfish Head Slightly Mighty IPA, and Founders All Day IPA.
Fun fact: if a beer is touted as lower calorie, it’s also likely low in alcohol.
Haus Aperitifs
Initially, I thought I wasn’t cool enough to drink Haus. Between the chic branding and over-exposed photograph on their website, it feels like the low-alcohol version of Art Basel or Coachella before Coachella was cool. Then I tried it, and I still wasn’t sold.
Here’s what Haus is: a low-proof aperitif (aka booze) that you can drink with club soda, prosecco or straight up. I ordered the sampler pack, and tried the Citrus flower first. Because I was going for low alcohol, I drank it with soda water, over ice. It was underwhelming, watered down and lackluster. I decided before I completely wrote off the drink of cool kids, I’d try upgrading my ice game.
We ended up buying silicone trays for making big-ass square and spherical ice cubes, and boy it really did make a difference.
The larger ice cube melts much slower than the many smaller ones from my freezer. I ended up liking the Haus aperitifs best straight up, but they probably would really kick ass when topped with prosecco. But that felt like defeating the purpose in my quest for low-alcohol excellence.
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While I do occasionally drink a real drink or two, I love stocking my fridge with low or no booze options. Sometimes it’s really more about the ritual.
What are your favorite NA or low-alcohol drinks? Share in the comments!
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I really do like the ritual of drinking, but I don’t love the buzz, the insomnia or the hangover. I still want to drink grown-up tasting drinks, but without all the baggage. These are my favorite non- and low-alcohol drinks.
